Note: This sermon was transcribed after it was preached and thus retains many of the elements of oral delivery. Also, it was illustrated with PowerPoint and has been edited to make sense without visual accompaniment.
After my daughter Emily was born, my wife and I had an opportunity we could not resist. We have a relative who decided she wanted a new car. She wanted to sell the old one but she really liked the car. She had taken good care of it and she loved it and wanted it to have a good home. So she decided to sell it to a family member at a good price; a really good price. And we were the lucky family members that got chosen. So we took her up on the offer -- Kristen flew out to Texas and drove the car back. It’s this wonderful Lexus- it was the most luxurious car we had ever owned. And needless to say, since it was Kristen’s relative, the car became HER car. And our car became MY car; the not-so-lovely Toyota Camry. So Kristen is very protective of her wonderful Lexus. Even to the point of not letting me drive it very much. Well, one day there was an emergency and I had to borrow her car. I took it someplace, came back quickly, and now we were late. We were running off to see some church members and she was coming with me. We were frantic and we had to get the baby. We got into MY car and just as I started to back up Kristen said, “Now David, watch out, my car’s back there, now keep an eye on it.” I said, “No problem, I got it.” Crunch.
Our topic today is anger.
Needless to say we repaired her car and not mine. We’ve been talking about the Proverbs the past few weeks. Studying the Proverbs. Looking at what Solomon had to say about various topics. Pastor Getty’s and Pastor Paul have spoken about various topics. Last week I spoke about the tongue. And this topic kind of goes right in with the tongue. Sort of the root behind what causes the tongue to be so unkind sometimes. I’m speaking of anger. I’d like to look at three questions that Christians have about anger that I believe Solomon answers. Here they are:
Is anger a sin?
Why should I control my anger?
How do I control my anger?
By the way I should mention. Kristen controlled her anger very well after that. She was clearly angry, but she didn’t use her tongue in a very vicious way. I was very proud of her.
Is anger a sin?
When I was in college here at Southern they would bring in speakers for assembly that really bothered me. Especially when they brought in speakers who were not Adventist. I was very strict and I felt like they should not bring in anyone who was not an Adventist to speak. I remember one time I was sitting there and there was this guy and he was talking about how anger isn’t a sin. OHHH. I don’t know [about that]. I was listening and my temperature was rising---and I found myself becoming very angry at this man for saying that anger isn’t a sin. And finally when I walked out of that place I was just steaming. And then I caught myself. When I realized what I was doing I said, “Oh now is it a sin for me to be angry at a man who says that anger isn’t a sin. I don’t know. I’m confused.”
Is anger a sin? Well from Proverbs I would like to point out that God does not forbid anger. And I believe this is a truth throughout the Bible.
Proverbs 16:32--our key text: He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty. Emphasis on slow. Did you notice that? It does not say “he who is never angry is better than the mighty” [No] “he who is slow.” What that implies is that we should not get angry easily but that SOMETIMES it might be O.K. to get angry.
Another thing from the Bible I’ve discovered. From Exodus. “The Lord said to Moses. I have seen this people and behold they are an obstinate people. Now then, let Me alone that My anger may burn against them.”
God gets angry. The interesting thing about this story is that God had just given the Ten Commandments. The ones that talked about not worshiping other idols and putting other gods before Him. It had not been two months and God gets so angry He wants to destroy them. Its interesting because just a little bit later Moses is with God again and He wants to see God’s glory and God puts his hand over Moses and walks past him and he shows him his back and says “And the Lord passed by in front of him and proclaimed, “The Lord, the Lord God, compassionate and gracious and slow to anger.”
Now I want to be respectful here, but it didn’t seem he was very slow to anger here. He had just gotten angry enough to destroy them-- in only a few days. Well I think this helps us understand what slow to anger means. Because just at that passage I just read you. Where God said he was so angry he could destroy them. And Moses pleads with God not to and God decides not to . . . I think that that is a better definition of “slow to anger.” Not that He doesn’t get angry—but that when He gets angry He doesn’t act on it and He turns away from His anger and He’s merciful. We talked last week about how the tongue had been with the conflict between Christ and Satan from the beginning. How Satan used his tongue to lie and deceive the angels. I believe that there at the very beginning Satan talked to them about God’s anger. And it has been his twisting the truth about God’s anger that has been a root to all these problems. He made God seem vindictive and vengeful and just ready to destroy his creatures at a moments notice. Not able to control his anger.
Down through the ages the misunderstanding of God’s anger has caused so many problems. And what has happened is that we have fallen into one or the other of two camps. One is that we become wimps and we never become angry at anything—even things we SHOULD get angry about. Or on the other hand, we have a huge temper and we get angry over the dumbest things. I believe that part of God’s plan to restore a right understanding of Himself. It’s to help us understand what God’s true anger is all about. What His wrath is truly like.
So, is anger a sin? 1). God does not forbid it; 2) God gets angry; and a third thing 3) Anger is natural. Now this does not come from Proverbs. This is more of a scientific thing. God’s second book, right? God made nature, right? Anger is a natural response.
Anger is a part of our fight or flight system. You’ve heard of the two nervous systems. One of them deals with whatever and the other deals with fight or flight? O.K.? (I studied this many years ago). Fight or flight. Anger is a part of it.
When you get angry: your breathing increases, blood flows to your muscles (to prepare you to fight), your pupils dilate, your brain disengages. You’re ready to fight. You are in attack mode. This is something that naturally happens when you are angry. God made us to be able to be angry. So what is the sin then?
Because I know that there is something wrong with anger. Because I’ve seen the results of really bad anger, haven’t you? So what’s the problem then? It’s when anger gets out of control. We must control our anger. That’s the message from Proverbs. It’s not a matter of never being angry. It’s about managing it right. We must temper our temper. We must control our anger.
Second question about anger from Proverbs. Why? Why should I control my anger. O.K. we just saw it. Because not controlling our anger is a sin. But beyond that fact that, it is a sin not to control it. What are the results? What happens to me when I don’t control my anger?
First, uncontrolled anger can be addictive. Proverbs 19:19 (NIV): A hot tempered man must pay the penalty. If you rescue him, you will have to do it again. It’s like any other habit. If you continually rescue the alcoholic, you will continually have to keep rescuing them. It’s like any kind of addiction; any kind of habit. And I can tell you from my personal experience how difficult it is to break an anger habit. It’s HARD. You think you’ve got under control and then BAM it hits you again. Anger can be addictive.
Why control my anger? People won’t trust you. Proverbs 22:24-25 (NIV):Do not make friends with a hot-tempered man, for you may learn his ways and get yourself ensnared.
Solomon is warning people to stay away from you if you have an anger problem. He says, “Hey, if David has an anger problem, you’d better stay away.” People will not trust you. Well, I’m not sure I should hang out with them.
Why control my anger? You will pull others down. Same text. Do you want to be some pulling others down with your anger? I don’t.
Then, [reason number] four, you will cause discord, strife. Proverbs 15:18 (NIV): A hot tempered man stirs up dissension, but a patient man calms a quarrel.
When I was a student missionary in Pohnpei, we had one volunteer whose temper divided the entire campus. It was terrible. This man gathered a group of sympathizers and with their talking and anger they became more and more angry together. Pretty soon it became so bad that he and a number of other missionaries left. I truly believe, to this day, if he had not been there that would not have happened. Your anger can cause discord, strife. Whole churches can be split by one or two people who have an anger problem. Well there’s more to why we should control our anger.
Here are some of the more positive reasons.
Why control my anger? A cool temper is a sign of strength. Proverbs 16:32 (NASB)[1] again: He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty; and he who rules his spirit than he who captures a city.
Someone who can control their anger and hold back is like a strong warrior. Don’t you want to be known for being is strong and a warrior instead of someone who can’t control themselves.
Some of you know who this man is. [slide showing of an Old-Western star] I haven’t seen too many movies this man is in. But the characters I’ve seen him play; he always plays the cool-headed good guy. And he is often pitted against bad guys who aren’t level-headed. People respect that in John Wayne.
Why control my anger? Another positive reason: it will bring you honor. Proverbs 20:3: Keeping away from strife is an honor for a man; but any fool will quarrel.
When I was living in Miami, I was an associate pastor in one church, [and by the way my senior pastor is here today, Bob Boggess] but I was also a pastor of another church. A smaller church. And learning how to be a pastor. The treasurer of the church (who was a real character) confronted me like you would not believe. He was angry and upset and yelling. And by God’s grace I was able to answer him calmly and tell him to his face “your behavior is inappropriate.” And afterward I had people come up to me . . . People who I dare say did not respect me too much as a young new pastor. But in that instance they said, “Pastor, we saw how he was and we saw how you were and I want you to know that I respect how you were.”
It brought honor to me when I did not respond to his anger angrily. Of course it is not about my honor in the end. Whose honor is it about? It’s about God’s. As Christians we should always be seeking to glorify God. I think this is a great area we can do it in.
Why control my anger? Well you will be more healthy. Chronic anger lowers your immunity, leads to ulcers, irritable bowl syndrome, high blood pressure, heart attacks . . . oh my! Who wants to have all that? There are some good reasons to control our anger. We must control our anger.
So how? That’s the crux of the matter. How do I do it? It’s easy to say we must control our anger, but how?
How can I control my anger? Don’t get angry easily. Again Proverbs 16:32: He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty. It’s interesting that that word “slow” is literally translated “long” he who is long to anger is better than the mighty. It’s a hard thing to get this person angry. They don’t get angry easily.
Have you ever heard of the book, Telling yourself the Truth?[2] This is a good book. It’s helped me to deal with a lot of things including anger. I’d like to share a principle from this book that has helped me not to get angry so easily.
This is how most people view anger: You have an event that happens. Your brother punches you in the stomach. Or your spouse flies of the lid and starts yelling at you. And that makes me angry. Have you ever heard this before, “You make me so mad.” Have you said that before? Oh, I can’t stand it when you do that. You make me so angry. Wrong. Your spouse or whoever is not making you angry. They did something. Yes. It probably was inappropriate. Yes. What happened was there was an event. Your spouse did whatever; your child did whatever it was. And then quick as a flash you had a thought. And then you had to choose as you thought about what happened to you. Was it bearable or unbearable. If you thought that it bearable, you calmed down. If you that that it was unbearable you became angry. Simple as that.
It’s interesting when you compare adult anger with child anger. My son, if you take away his toy, he goes ballistic. He’s crying and he’s screaming. And your like , “What is wrong with that kid.” Why? Because you’ve learned that having your toys taken away from you is bearable. He hasn’t learned that yet. He probably can’t even reason through it yet. It’s totally unbearable to him and so he just throws a temper-tantrum. I think if we were the angels or God and we were looking down at us adults at how we react sometimes to things that happen. We would be just like us to the kids. “They got angry over that? Oh come on. It’s not that bad.
Let’s do a quiz here. O.K. kids. Are you listening? Bearable or unbearable: Your mom grounds you for a day. Unbearable? I think you could probably handle it.
How’s this. Your Mom grounds you for 10 years. That’s unbearable. Alright? If my mom grounded me for 10 years I might get a little mad.
O.K. Grandparents. Bearable or unbearable. Your children abuse your baby-sitting services. It’s bearable.
How about this. Your children abuse your grandchildren.
I’d like to take a second her for an aside. Ps 82:2-4 How long will you judge unjustly and show partiality to the wicked. Vindicate the weak and the fatherless. Do justice to the afflicted and destitute. Rescue the weak and the needy, deliver them out of the hand of the wicked.
I want to tell you, it is O.K. to be angry when the helpless are being hurt. It’s not a self-righteous anger. But we still need to control our anger. But it’s O.K. And God says that there is something wrong with us when we don’t do something about it. If we don’t act on that anger.
O.K. back to “Bearable or unbearable.” Wives: Your husband leaves his smelly socks on your pillow, again. Bearable? I’m trying to find things that do not particularly pertain to my home. I don’t want Kristen to think I’m preaching at here.
O.K. wives, your husband leaves you. That’s unbearable. O.K? Now here’s the interesting thing from the book I read. This unbearable thing happens to you; you become angry. And then you learn to treat even the unbearable finally as bearable. And that is only how we will overcome our anger at our spouse or whoever has wronged us. When we take the thing that is unbearable and we finally decide this is bearable. It’s not the end of the world. I am going to live.
Husbands. Your wife brings home a stray cat. It will be cat number nine. Bearable or unbearable? Mostly bearable.
Husbands. You wife murders your mother. That’s unbearable.
Imagine this scenario. I’m sorry, I’m speaking to people who have little children like me. This is the realm I am in right now-that I understand. I don’t quite understand it from the woman’s perspective though.
Your children are screaming, they’re angry, they’re mad, they’ve given you a rough day. And you tried to go in to town to do some shopping. The day is ruined. The kids have ruined the shopping day. You have to come home early. You’re driving along with your kids and you’re furious at them. One of them in the back is shouting, “No. No. No. NO.” The other one is saying, “Stop touching me.” And then you look in the rear view mirror with all that anger and you see this. [power point picture of the collapsed bridge in Minneapolis]. It happened this week right? You stop the car. You get out of the car. And suddenly it’s bearable. You love your kids and you get out and you hug them. Right? Not quite so angry at them anymore. Because there is something behind you that is far more unbearable. It’s all about perspective.
Let me go back to that principle which I found in the book Telling Yourself the Truth”. O.K. Let’s say the anger affecting event happens. And it so happens that it really IS unbearable. What can you do? Basically two things: You can vent or you can calm down.
And we go back to “how can I control my anger”. If you do get angry, don’t vent.
According to proverbs. Proverbs 29:11 A fool gives full vent to his anger but the wise man keeps himself under control.
So what happens when we vent?
Stop a second. Telling Yourself the Truth[3] talks about venting. There’s a myth out there. The myth says that we are like pressure cookers. And you start to build up with steam and the more you get angry the more the pressure builds until finally we EXPLODE with anger. Right? Wrong. It’s not true. At least according to research and I believe we will find it to be true in our own lives. What happens is we get angry, we vent and then we get angrier. Because in venting we continue to go back to that first thought of how unbearable it is. And we’ve focused on it and meditated on it and then we went out and verbalized our anger or we’ve gone out and punched a punching bag and we’ve beaten that punching bad to smithereens. And the whole time we thought about how angry we are at the person and now we’re more angry than we were before. Now some of you are saying, “Now wait a second, I’ve punched a punching bag and it helped.” Well, O.K. you got some exercise and while you were punching you started thinking back on that thought and you started thinking “Well maybe it wasn’t so unbearable after all.” But it wasn’t punching the bag that made you feel better.” You didn’t vent, you didn’t let go of steam. You thought differently.
So, you vent; you get angry; and it’s a cycle. So you vent some more, you get angrier and you explode. Until finally you do something drastic. Some people have been killed this way. You don’t want to do that. You want to calm down. And the way we calm down is we go back to the thought and we choose to believe that it’s bearable. And we calm down. We can control our anger.
The final thing: How can I control my anger? Remember the cross. Romans 5:9 We have now been justified by the cross. How much more shall we be saved from God’s wrath through Him?” Jesus took God’s wrath for us. God was angry at our sin. Jesus said, “here I’ll take it Dad.” Now we understand God’s anger a little more: because God has a right to be angry at you and me. And the God who has a right to be angry at you and me turned it on someone who didn’t do anything to be angry about.
When we see Jesus on the cross we see God withholding his wrath from humans who are killing his son. When we see the thieves on their crosses, struggling and fighting and cursing the soldiers, and Jesus hanging there meekly and quietly saying, “Father forgive them . . .” When we see this we realize that there is nothing on earth that we really have a right to be angry about. Certainly we have our natural responses, and yes, things will happen and we will get angry about them. But finally, and in the end, there is nothing that has happened to us that is as NEAR as bad as what happened to Jesus. And it was for our sake. There is nothing that has happened that is as near as bad as what happened to the Father. And it was for our sake. God held back His anger. If God can hold back his anger then he can help me do the same as well.
And I should. And we look back at whatever bad things have happened to us. Whatever things people have inflicted upon us. And we say “Bearable or unbearable.” O.K. forget that: forgivable. When we look at the cross and we look at what Jesus has done for us, we can’t help but control our anger.
[1] All references are from the NASB unless otherwise marked.
[2] William Marie, Backus Chapian Telling yourself the Truth.
[3] Ditto.
Hymn of Praise: #82, Before Jehovah's Awful Throne Scripture: Proverbs 16:32 Hymn of Response: #83, O Worship The King
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McDonald Road Sermon transcribed by Pastor David Cook 8/30/07.